Is Thank You Ever Enough?

Well… is it? 

God is DAILY reminding me of His emmence love for me.  Everyday He does something to remind me that He’s got me… right there… in the palm of His hand… just taking care of things…

At Ladie’s First today, Ricsha was talking about stress and knowing when to let go of it… knowing that you’ve done all you can do, and then letting God take it from there and do what He does.  Ultimately the end result, the outcome of the situation, is NOT your responsibility… its God’s responsibility.  A responsibility, that I believe, He gladly takes from us. 

It seems that most of my real stress in life has to do with money.  I’m a single parent, so the subject of money is almost always at the forefront of my mind.  The last couple months, especially the last week, have brought on some unforeseen events that I did NOT budget for.  Aaron’s legal issues, my car accident… and the broken window from last night, thanks to my amazing son’s new found infatuation with the soccer ball… Bless his little heart…  

I should be overwhelmed… I should be freaking out…. I should be wondering what the heck I’m gonna do…. but I’m not.  For the last week and a half I’ve been letting go… letting go of all the bad stuff… purging it out, cutting some people from my life, some temporarily, some permantly….

My boss just told me that she’s cutting everyone in the office a check to cover gas expenses for the month…. she figures if corporate can buy all their employees cars to use, she can supplement our gas to get to work…. ya… I’m in awe.  I’m in absolute awe at the amazing way that my God takes care of me.  I don’t know how much that check will be for… she didn’t ask what it takes to fill my car…. but it doesn’t matter, because God is writing the check using her hand.

I’m so incredibly blessed….  I can’t wait to continue to blog about what God is doing!!    

Its Never The Guy You Want….

So…. I got a “Happy Mother’s Day” call yesterday from a guy that I really don’t want to call me.  We went on one “real” date… and it sucked!!!  Plus… I’ve found out that he’s quite the liar, and tried to get one of my closest friends arrested a couple months ago. 

The one that I wanted to want me, I had to just cut out of my life.  He wasn’t good for me… and quite honestly, is unable to see past my 22 year old friend who can’t stand him.  Could be because she knows just enough about him to not want any part of him… and she thinks he’s too old… which for her, he is.

But, if I’m brutally honest with myself…. even the one that I thought I wanted to want me isn’t the one that I really want.  He was really just a cheap facsimile of the one… similar to, but in NO WAY comparable…..

Que sera, sera… right?     I know that God is in control of all of it… and sees it all.  He is my vindicator and protector.  He doesn’t like bad boys messing with this daughter.  I like that…

I’m enjoying my time with my Father right now.  He’s holding me daily!!!

My Car Accident…..

Yes… you read that right… I got in a car accident today… and yes, it was my fault, and NO… I wasn’t texting!! 

God is so amazing… can I just start by saying that.  He started a renewing in me on Monday night and confirmed it this morning in Ladies First.  I bought Sunday’s sermon and listened to it on the way to work.  If I had been there on Sunday… I would’ve walked forward….  All day long I’ve been venting, purging, praying, worshipping… and just enveloped in the presence of God… ALL DAY… it was amazing.  God was revealing things to me and showing the ways that I’m falling short… and using my closest friends to show me all the ways that I’m NOT falling short (Thanks Chele!!!).

On my way home…like not even 10 minutes from work… I looked down for not even 2 seconds cuz I felt something on my leg.  I looked up and the car in front of me wasn’t moving.  I slammed on my breaks, grabbed my steering wheel and closed my eyes.  I felt the impact and opened my eyes.  Once we all moved to the side of the road, I got out of my car.  The car I hit directly was smashed in the trunk… and smashed in the front because they hit the car in front of them…. but my car, was barely hurt.  A minor shift of the bumper is all.  I couldn’t believe it…. but then again, yes I could.  The Savior that I had been in communion with all day long was holding me and watching me.  He has work for me to do… and I intend to do it.

So… this is my praise to my amazing God who loves me and protects me at all times!!!  He’s a forgiving God who restores me and wants me to be whole again.  With His help… and the support of my friends… I’m well on my way.

   

See…. There’s this guy….

There’s this guy in my world.  Not everyone knows about him… but some do.  He’s no one serious… just a friend… or is he?

Recently we were both out with friends.  We run in different circles, for the most part, but from time to time, our circles intertwine and we end up at some of the same get togethers.  So… we’re at one of these said functions and we’re texting eachother.  We’re way on opposite sides of the table, so it was easier than yelling.  After a while, my friends were asking me who I was texting… so I sent him a text saying that they wanted to know who I was texting with…he comes back with “Lol— NO”.  Like I’m NOT supposed to tell them who I’m talking to….

So… this gets me thinking… probably too much, as I’m proned to do…. why can’t they know?  We’re friends right?  Its not like we were talking dirty or anything… so what gives?  Then it occurs to me… is this guy ashamed of me?  Is he embarrassed by me?  And I start to think about all the times I’ve suggested we go get coffee or ice cream or grab dinner… and he brushes me off everytime.  So… this gets me thinking some more…. this guy doesn’t want to be seen with me?  Does he honestly think he’s too good to be seen with me?  Surely, he can’t be THAT delusional.  I realize that I’m a very overweight girl…. but I do have enough mirrors in my house to know that I’m NOT ugly. 

Why would he want to keep this friendship on the DL?  Why does it have to be a secret that we’re friends?  I don’t get it… and probably never will…  but I’m pretty sure I don’t need friends like him.  I’ve decided that I’ve been hurt by him for the last time.

Thoughts?

Faithful

Ok… I originally wrote this about 3 years ago…. but its really ringing true for me lately….  tell me what you think…

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I love this word–faithful.  The dictionary defines it as “adhering firmly and devotedly, as to a person, cause or idea; loyal.  Also: undeviating attachment”.  Wow!!  Many people say that they are faithful, but in how many things can we truly say that we have “undeviating attachment” or that we “adhere firmly and devotedly” to a particular person or cause?  Its a big word, when you truly think about it.

Now think on this–the Bible says in Lamentations 3:22-24, “The unfailing love of the Lord never ends!!  By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.  Great is his FAITHFULNESS; his mercies begin afresh each day.  I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!’”  We can also narrow it down to Lam. 3:23 and paraphrase: Great is his “undeviating attachment”; his mercies begin afresh each day.  Or: Great is his “firm adherence and devotion”; his mercies begin afresh each day. 

This kind of puts a whole new spin on how much he loves us and how “in” to us he really is.  Doesn’t he deserve the same from us?  Shouldn’t we try each day to adhere to him firmly and devotedly and be undeviatly attached?  We can’t be faithful to that special person, until we can be faithful to the Christ who strengthens us.  He’s THE faithful bridegroom, faithful father, and faithful friend.

Being Single….

So… recently the Lord has given me such an amazing peace about my present marital status… or lack there of.  Over the last 6 months I’ve was living out a commitment that I made to myself, and to God, to steer clear of all relationships with men.  I felt that over the last 2 years, such an immense focus has been put on being married… not just by me, but my friends and family as well.  I was finding myself more focused on “finding a man” than “finding my Savior”.   More than anything, I just get tired of people asking why I’m still single.  So, I’ve asked the Lord to give me direction……

During the last 6 months, God has revealed alot to me.  I’ve been able to observe my friends and family in various types of relationships… long marriage, newlyweds, engaged, and dating.  I have to say, I have a whole new point of view on this “being single” thing…. with the exception of maybe some carnal needs or desires… its really not all that bad.  Of course, a second income would be helpful… but still… is it worth the drama?

Some of my observations:

1. Long Marriages:  Most of them I observed were good.  Even some of the ones I used to use as examples for my “con” list.  I see alot of compromising…mostly on the part of the woman.  Don’t fully understand why that is.  I’m sure a man would be happy to explain it to me…

2. Newlyweds: Some people… I just don’t know why they get married.  I will say one thing… it would take a whole lot more than God “giving” the man a scripture, then the pastor ”speaking” from the same scripture, and then running into the pastor at lunch….even if its a restaurant that the pastor doesn’t normally eat at.  I realize that those could be “signs” or “epiphanies”…. but honestly…. if you’re REALLY in love… do you NEED an epiphany to know you should get married…. and do you need a pastor/counselor to tell you to do it.  I SURE HOPE NOT!!!  I think you’re just supposed to know, and it shouldn’t be something that you have to be talked into.

3. Engaged: Drama, drama, drama.  Good lord have mercy.  Everyone… please… if you’re dating anybody new… go through your entire life of memories and burn every picture, every letter, and every momento of every memory that you may have had with anybody prior to your fiance.  Take my word,  it’ll save you some pain later.  My thoughts…. if someone is so insecure with the fact that you have a past and they are not in it…. they have issues that need to be worked out prior to marriage.  Maybe the pre-nuptual counseling will help.

4. Living in Sin: I know, I know… this is way bad… but I have to be honest…. my friend’s that are doing this are the happiest I’ve seen of ALL my friends and family. 

This leads me to ask… do christians make it harder on themselves to be happy?  Is there something about adding God to the mix that makes these relationships harder to be successful and fulfilling?  I don’t think God wants it to be that way.  I can’t believe that he would want it to be so hard to be happy.

So… where does this leave me?  I know what I want… I want a godly man… a man that will not ask me to compromise anything to be with him…. a man that won’t set out to change who I am so that he can feel complete…. a man who will be my partner, not my master.  If such a man does not exist, then Christ will have to be my husband for a good long time.

And to any of my friends who read this… the ones that know me well, know about my running mental pro/con list for marriage.  I’m always watching…and I’m always making check marks in my head….

peace out

Parenthood

My son and I aren’t speaking right now.  It kills me inside, but that’s just how it is sometimes.  He has no sense of responsibility and I really have only myself to blame.  He wonders why he has to pay me back for the money I have to spend for his legal issues…. he doesn’t understand why I’m making him do his community service on days that he wants to spend with his girlfriend…. he doesn’t understand why I make him help me around the house, though he barely does.

Somedays it seems like I try so hard… but I’m just spinning my wheels.  Its like talking to a wall and all he thinks about is himself and his girlfriend. 

Its times like these that I wish I weren’t alone.  These are really the only times… because most of the time, I’m pretty content with my freedom…. but I get so tired of being the heavy all the time.  I guess that’s part of the whole consequence thing. 

I’m rambling and I’m tired… a very scary combination.

 

 

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Michele’s trying to help me figure this site out!!!